My son Richard just got out of the hospital after being on suicide watch. I just want to take a minute to share the feelings of a mother.
I would say....first there was fear. Then there was the crushing pain of the thought of loosing these three so close together. Lots of tears. Then the anger mixed in. How dare he think that this was a solution.
I have to say that I did go to work and sought-after a friend there who is married to a therapist. It took some time because I didn't want to cry, but with the grace of God I talked to her. I did cry. She had me talk to her husband and he empowered me with wisdom that has helped me deal with this.
He was right on. I haven't cried as much since. I've probably been a little feisty since then. Two things that calmed my soul are these.
If he were suicidal he'd be dead. He had a plan....he's smart enough to know how to work it...this was an attention getter for his wife.
The second thing was a warning. This is going to be your fault. Apparently it is common not to be able to take responsibility for your actions.
He hasn't said much to us. He said he is working on his plan. I know he wants to leave Ashley, which is good, not for Ashley, but she is a mess and they have a very toxic relationship. He wants to finish school. He hasn't been honest with himself or others. Keith is there and I don't even know if that is a good idea. We are just waiting.
I must admit that I have been touched by the support and kind words of those that have found out. The words of my sisters and sister in law were all the same. 'This breaks my heart.' I honestly felt bad for telling them. I am believer in being transparent in these situations. That is why I am writing this. My heart is broken also.
Someone loves you...they need you. Don't think you are alone. Jesus Christ will help you carry your burden. You are not a burden. Oh, I wish that you would seek professional help. Turn to light, not darkness. Better days are ahead. Always choose life.
